Social Butterfly

For as long as I can remember, I've had people telling me that I am quite the social butterfly. When I was two years old I would climb from lap to lap to lap, snuggling with people, entertaining them and pouring out the charm. Having always been a flirt and seeing as I had my first crush at eight months (every time he would come over I would yell from my blanket on the floor "MIKE!MIKE!MIKE!" until he came to see me and carry me around with him) it's not all that much of a suprise that i got myself into the situation I've ended up in. I never realize that i'm flirting or that people are becoming attached to me and it seems more often than not to cause a conflict. The fact that I'm a subconcious flirt seems to be too much for some people. I usually just see it as being nice but apparently to everyone else, I do not come across as such. Situations like this have lead people to calling me a slut a whore and a cheating, man-stealing bitch, or have gotten a boyfriend to break up with me, because I was being myself. Most of the guys that caused these issues weren't even the least bit intriguing. The worst of all though is when being myself brought me into a potentially life threatening situation that lasted nearly a year. Yes, it was mostly this man's fault for getting a minor into a position where she felt that there were no options but to do as he wished, and that he threatened to hurt her family and her, by telling them what she had been involved in during the past months. But, at the same time, I made him want ME, I was a fun, happy go lucky 17 year old girl, excited to graduate, turn 18 and explore the amazing, beautiful, vibrant world outside the walls of the room i'd occupied for most of my life, outside the city limits, outside this state, this continent. He used that against me, but I also used him. I pretended at points to feel ways that I did not feel, because I thought that if I were honest with him, he would come to my house, to hurt me and my family or that if I went to my parents, they would hate me and look at me in disgust and outrage. Finally, not because I made it end, but because HE put me into a situation where I was forced to tell my parents what was going on, the abuse ended. Through his own retarded misstep, I was saved. My parents never turned on me as I had expected, but instead banded with me to take him down. Court starts in 3 days. Three terrifyingly short days. Through this whole experience I have learned that it is alright to be a social butterfly, but at a point it becomes a dangerous game. I have spent the last weeks spending as much time with my best friends and my boyfriend as I possibly could, rebuilding bonds and strengthening the ones that have stayed intact. My friends, my family, they are the network of a social butterfly, the nectar that keeps her healthy, that keeps her wings flapping and bright. Men like the one who used me, he is the water that the bad seed neighbor kid dumps from his cup onto the poor butterfly's wings, making it impossible for her to fly to safety before he can pluck off her wings. They are the nectar this butterfly has needed to get her wings back. They are my lifeblood, my reasons for keeping going. And now, thanks to them, this butterfly is ready to spread her wings once again and take off into the wild blue yonder.
Have a great night, tell someone who has helped you, how much they have meant to you, tell someone you love them, and give someone a hug. Sweet dreams, and until next time....

sophie out